144 lines
5.9 KiB
Markdown
144 lines
5.9 KiB
Markdown
---
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created_at: '2010-10-24T07:18:49.000Z'
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title: Spend money on experiences, not possessions (2009)
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url: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124433032858891653.html
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author: starpilot
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points: 87
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story_text: ''
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comment_text:
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num_comments: 58
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story_id:
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story_title:
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story_url:
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parent_id:
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created_at_i: 1287904729
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_tags:
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- story
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- author_starpilot
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- story_1825525
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objectID: '1825525'
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year: 2009
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---
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By and
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**ISAAC:** I've always considered myself to be a smart spender -- I
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rarely, if ever, buy unnecessary stuff. I never get videogames, sports
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equipment or new electronics like some people my age do, and I can't
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remember the last time I spent money on nonessential new clothes.
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The truth is I just don't get a buzz from buying things.
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And yet...I still regularly withdraw money from my bank account. So if I
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never buy "stuff," where does this money go?
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I have a confession to make: I like to make the occasional -- well, OK,
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perhaps regular -- splurge on going out to lunch or attending a concert
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on a weekend.
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But hey, what's wrong with enjoying some fresh food or good
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entertainment? Besides, it would seem like a shame not to take advantage
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of these cultural luxuries while I can, before I fly off to the
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middle-of-nowhere for college.
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**STEVE:** I like to imagine myself a model of frugality for my
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children. So I'm often a bit disappointed when I discover Isaac has
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spent money on something fleeting or frivolous.
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![We Don't Buy Stuff. Except When We
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Do.](https://si.wsj.net/public/resources/images/OB-DU941_sun060_D_20090605151553.jpg)
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Leonard Cadiente
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"How are you spending your money?" I asked him the other night. I'd
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noticed some regular withdrawals from his bank account, which I can see
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online because it's still associated with the family account.
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"Food, mostly," he replied. As the school year draws to a close, Isaac
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apparently has developed a penchant for eating out with his friends.
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It's not a ruinous habit yet, judging from his bank balance. But it's a
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tad worrisome to a father who considers the epithet "cheapskate" to be
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praise.
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A perfect opportunity to repeat the Delayed Gratification Speech\!
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(Teenagers can't get enough of it.) "That's a slippery slope," I told
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him. "Don't get used to spending on pleasures like that now, because
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it's always much harder to stop spending on them than it is to not start
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spending to begin with."
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Which is when the little voice in my head began asking: "Hmm,
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hypocrisy?"
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When it comes to buying stuff, I'm still fiercely frugal. I drive a
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17-year-old car and won't even think of replacing our battered kitchen
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appliances. The last major "toy" I bought myself was a 40-year-old South
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Bend 10K metal lathe for $1,500 four years ago, but that doesn't count
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because it's a tool.
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As I've noted, my indulgence is paying for experiences. Money spent on
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travel pays back richly, and I've spent thousands without batting an eye
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on kids' lessons -- everything from guitar playing to welding.
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That's all very high-minded of me, except that there's a fine line
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between "experience" and imprudent consumption. And I admit: I'm guilty
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of crossing that line just as Isaac is.
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When Karen and I were first married, we ate out seldom, and frugally
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when we did. Dinner and a movie in Tokyo, where we lived in the 1980s,
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meant smuggling a bag of burgers and fries into the cinema; when we went
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skiing, we stayed in youth hostels.
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But somewhere along the way -- in the past 10 years, mostly -- we've let
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ourselves go. We've begun enjoying nice restaurants a bit too often.
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When we travel, we splurge more often than we used to on nicer hotels. I
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buy lattes regularly.
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And then there's the big skeleton in my cheapskate's closet. A few years
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back, I spent an indefensible amount of money taking flying lessons.
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Hey, it's an experience -- an education -- I told myself. But I knew it
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was an expense that would have appalled my younger self.
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That younger self of mine, I often think, is what Isaac needs now as a
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role model -- not my laxer, current self. When I was a teen, my parents
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were excellent models of frugality because they didn't have much to
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spend. I did as they did; delayed gratification was the only kind there
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was.
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So Isaac, please do as I say I did when I was your age, not as I do now.
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**ISAAC:** Just as my dad justifies his tools and his flying, I've
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always rationalized spending money on food and concerts.
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I don't eat at fine restaurants or go to concerts that cost hundreds.
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What I spend my money on is, say, a burrito some afternoon or a local
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$10 concert. My eating and concert-going isn't denting my savings.
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And I spend good time with people in the process. It's worthwhile to
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spend money for valuable experiences that involve building friendships,
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right?
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Having said all that, I'll concede that the memories I get out of eating
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or concert-going are not nearly as concrete as learning to fly a plane
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or owning tools (though I'm pretty sure my dad has still only used that
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lathe a handful of times in the past four years). And I'll also concede
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that my dad is right about the fine line. This habit of mine is just
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like other people's habits of spending on stuff. We all justify our
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purchases -- and we could all probably gain from saving more of this
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money.
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Maybe my dad and I should start being more careful with unnecessary
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purchases that we justify for one reason or another -- whether it be
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labeling them as "tools" or "bonding experiences." Don't get me wrong, I
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still think it's OK to splurge once in a while -- whether it is on stuff
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or experiences -- as long we acknowledge that they are unnecessary
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expenses and we keep them infrequent.
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To be honest, I'm not too worried about this becoming a bad lifelong
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habit. I think the small amount of spending money I have during my
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college years, if I have any at all, will have more important places to
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go than spending on food.
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Steve Yoder is chief of The Wall Street Journal's San Francisco bureau.
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His son, Isaac, is 18 years old and a senior in high school. **Email**:
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<yoder&son@wsj.com>
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