2018-02-23 18:58:03 +00:00
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---
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created_at: '2015-01-09T01:10:38.000Z'
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title: The Problem with Music (1993)
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url: http://www.thebaffler.com/salvos/the-problem-with-music
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author: bootload
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points: 65
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story_text: ''
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comment_text:
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num_comments: 48
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story_id:
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story_title:
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story_url:
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parent_id:
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created_at_i: 1420765838
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_tags:
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- story
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- author_bootload
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- story_8860143
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objectID: '8860143'
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---
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2018-03-03 09:35:28 +00:00
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Whenever I talk to a band who are about to sign with a major label, I
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always end up thinking of them in a particular context. I imagine a
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trench, about four feet wide and five feet deep, maybe sixty yards long,
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filled with runny, decaying shit. I imagine these people, some of them
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good friends, some of them barely acquaintances, at one end of this
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trench. I also imagine a faceless industry lackey at the other end,
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holding a fountain pen and a contract waiting to be signed.
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2018-02-23 18:19:40 +00:00
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2018-03-03 09:35:28 +00:00
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Nobody can see what’s printed on the contract. It’s too far away, and
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besides, the shit stench is making everybody’s eyes water. The lackey
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shouts to everybody that the first one to swim the trench gets to sign
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the contract. Everybody dives in the trench and they struggle furiously
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to get to the other end. Two people arrive simultaneously and begin
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wrestling furiously, clawing each other and dunking each other under the
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shit. Eventually, one of them capitulates, and there’s only one
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contestant left. He reaches for the pen, but the Lackey says, “Actually,
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I think you need a little more development. Swim it again, please.
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Backstroke.”
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2018-02-23 18:19:40 +00:00
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2018-03-03 09:35:28 +00:00
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And he does, of course.
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2018-02-23 18:19:40 +00:00
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2018-03-03 09:35:28 +00:00
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I. A\&R Scouts
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Every major label involved in the hunt for new bands now has on staff a
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high-profile point man, an “A\&R” rep who can present a comfortable face
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to any prospective band. The initials stand for “Artist and Repertoire,”
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because historically, the A\&R staff would select artists to record
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music that they had also selected, out of an available pool of each.
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This is still the case, though not openly.
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> The A\&R person is the first person to promise them the moon.
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These guys are universally young (about the same age as the bands being
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wooed), and nowadays they always have some obvious underground rock
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credibility flag they can wave. Lyle Preslar, former guitarist for Minor
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Threat, is one of them. Terry Tolkin, former NY independent booking
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agent and assistant manager at Touch and Go is one of them. Al Smith,
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former soundman at CBGB is one of them. Mike Gitter, former editor of
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XXX fanzine and contributor to Rip, Kerrang and other lowbrow rags is
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one of them. Many of the annoying turds who used to staff college radio
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stations are in their ranks as well.
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There are several reasons A\&R scouts are always young. The explanation
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usually copped-to is that the scout will be “hip” to the current musical
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“scene.” A more important reason is that the bands will intuitively
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trust someone they think is a peer, and who speaks fondly of the same
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formative rock and roll experiences.
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The A\&R person is the first person to make contact with the band, and
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as such is the first person to promise them the moon. Who better to
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promise them the moon than an idealistic young turk who expects to be
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calling the shots in a few years, and who has had no previous experience
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with a big record company. Hell, he’s as naive as the band he’s duping.
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When he tells them no one will interfere in their creative process, he
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probably even believes it.
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When he sits down with the band for the first time, over a plate of
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angel hair pasta, he can tell them with all sincerity that when they
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sign with company X, they’re really signing with him, and he’s on their
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side. Remember that great gig I saw you at in ’85? Didn’t we have a
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blast.
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By now all rock bands are wise enough to be suspicious of music industry
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scum. There is a pervasive caricature in popular culture of a portly,
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middle aged ex-hipster talking a mile-a-minute, using outdated jargon
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and calling everybody “baby.” After meeting “their” A\&R guy, the band
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will say to themselves and everyone else, “He’s not like a record
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company guy at all\! He’s like one of us.” And they will be right.
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That’s one of the reasons he was hired.
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These A\&R guys are not allowed to write contracts. What they do is
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present the band with a letter of intent, or “deal memo,” which loosely
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states some terms, and affirms that the band will sign with the label
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once a contract has been agreed on.
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> One of my favorite bands was held hostage for two years by a “He’s not
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> like a label guy at all,” A\&R rep.
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The spookiest thing about this harmless sounding little “memo,” is that
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it is, for all legal purposes, a binding document. That is, once the
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band sign it, they are under obligation to conclude a deal with the
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label. If the label presents them with a contract that the band don’t
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want to sign, all the label has to do is wait. There are a hundred other
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bands willing to sign the exact same contract, so the label is in a
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position of strength.
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These letters never have any term of expiry, so the band remain bound by
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the deal memo until a contract is signed, no matter how long that takes.
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The band cannot sign to another label or even put out its own material
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unless they are released from their agreement, which never happens. Make
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no mistake about it: once a band has signed a letter of intent, they
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will either eventually sign a contract that suits the label or they will
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be destroyed.
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One of my favorite bands was held hostage for the better part of two
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years by a slick young “He’s not like a label guy at all,” A\&R rep, on
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the basis of such a deal memo. He had failed to come through on any of
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his promises (something he did with similar effect to another well-known
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band), and so the band wanted out. Another label expressed interest, but
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when the A\&R man was asked to release the band, he said he would need
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money or points, or possibly both, before he would consider it.
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The new label was afraid the price would be too dear, and they said no
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thanks. On the cusp of making their signature album, an excellent band,
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humiliated, broke up from the stress and the many months of inactivity.
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II. What I Hate about Recording
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1\. Producers and engineers who use meaningless words to make their
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clients think they know what’s going on. Words like “Punchy,” “Warm,”
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“Groove,” “Vibe,” “Feel.” Especially “Punchy” and “Warm.” Every time I
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hear those words, I want to throttle somebody.
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2\. Producers who aren’t also engineers, and as such, don’t have the
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slightest fucking idea what they’re doing in a studio, besides talking
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all the time. Historically, the progression of effort required to become
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a producer went like this: Go to college, get an EE degree. Get a job as
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an assistant at a studio. Eventually become a second engineer. Learn the
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job and become an engineer. Do that for a few years, then you can try
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your hand at producing. Now, all that’s required to be a full-fledged
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“producer” is the gall it takes to claim to be one.
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Calling people like Don Fleming, Al Jourgensen, Lee Ranaldo or Jerry
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Harrison “producers” in the traditional sense is akin to calling Bernie
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a “shortstop” because he watched the whole playoffs this year.
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The term has taken on perjorative qualities in some circles. Engineers
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tell jokes about producers the way people back in Montana tell jokes
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about North Dakotans. (How many producers does it take to change a light
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bulb?—Hmmm. I don’t know. What do you think? Why did the producer cross
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the road?—Because that’s the way the Beatles did it, man.) That’s why
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few self-respecting engineers will allow themselves to be called
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“producers.”
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The minimum skills required to do an adequate job recording an album
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are:
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– Working knowledge of all the microphones at hand and their properties
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and uses. I mean something beyond knowing that you can drop an SM57
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without breaking it.
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– Experience with every piece of equipment which might be of use and
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every function it may provide. This means more than knowing what echo
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sounds like. Which equalizer has the least phase shift in neighbor
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bands? Which console has more head-room? Which mastering deck has the
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cleanest output electronics?
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– Experience with the style of music at hand, to know when obvious
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blunders are occurring.
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> Nobody on earth could make the Smashing Pumpkins sound like the
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> Beatles.
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– Ability to tune and maintain all the required instruments and
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electronics, so as to insure that everything is in proper working order.
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This means more than plugging a guitar into a tuner. How should the
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drums be tuned to simulate a rising note on the decay? A falling note? A
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consonant note? Can a bassoon play a concert E-flat in key with a piano
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tuned to a reference A of 440 Hz? What percentage of varispeed is
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necessary to make a whole-tone pitch change? What degree of overbias
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gives you the most headroom at 10Khz? What reference fluxivity gives you
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the lowest self-noise from biased, unrecorded tape? Which tape
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manufacturer closes every year in July, causing shortages of tape
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globally? What can be done for a shedding master tape? A sticky one?
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– Knowledge of electronic circuits to an extent that will allow
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selection of appropriate signal paths. This means more than knowing the
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difference between a delay line and an equalizer. Which has more
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headroom, a discrete class A microphone preamp with a transformer output
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or a differential circuit built with monolithics? Where is the best
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place in an unbalanced line to attenuate the signal? If you short the
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cold leg of a differential input to ground, what happens to the signal
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level? Which gain control device has the least distortion, a VCA, a
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printed plastic pot, a photoresistor or a wire-wound stepped attenuator?
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Will putting an unbalanced line on a half-normalled jack unbalance the
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normal signal path? Will a transformer splitter load the input to a
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device parallel to it? Which will have less RF noise, a shielded
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unbalanced line or a balanced line with a floated shield?
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– An aesthetic that is well-rooted and compatible with the music, and
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– The good taste to know when to exercise it.
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3\. Trendy electronics and other flashy shit that nobody really needs.
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Five years ago, everything everywhere was being done with discrete
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samples. No actual drumming allowed on most records. Samples only. The
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next trend was Pultec Equalizers. Everything had to be run through
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Pultec EQs.
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Then vintage microphones were all the rage (but only Neumanns, the most
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annoyingly whiny microphone line ever made). The current trendy thing is
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compression. Compression by the ton, especially if it comes from a tube
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limiter. Wow. It doesn’t matter how awful the recording is, as long as
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it goes through a tube limiter, somebody will claim it sounds “warm,” or
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maybe even “punchy.” They might even compare it to the Beatles. I want
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to find the guy that invented compression and tear his liver out. I hate
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it. It makes everything sound like a beer commercial.
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> Tape machines ought to be big and cumbersome and difficult to use, if
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> only to keep the riff-raff out.
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4\. DAT machines. They sound like shit and every crappy studio has one
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now because they’re so cheap. Because the crappy engineers that inhabit
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crappy studios are too thick to learn how to align and maintain analog
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mastering decks, they’re all using DAT machines exclusively. DAT tapes
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deteriorate over time, and when they do, the information on them is lost
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forever. I have personally seen tapes go irretrievably bad in less than
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a month. Using them for final masters is almost fraudulently
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irresponsible.
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Tape machines ought to be big and cumbersome and difficult to use, if
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only to keep the riff-raff out. DAT machines make it possible for morons
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to make a living, and do damage to the music we all have to listen to.
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5\. Trying to sound like the Beatles. Every record I hear these days has
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incredibly loud, compressed vocals, and a quiet little murmur of a rock
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band in the background. The excuse given by producers for inflicting
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such an imbalance on a rock band is that it makes the record sound more
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like the Beatles. Yeah, right. Fuck’s sake, Thurston Moore is not Paul
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McCartney, and nobody on earth, not with unlimited time and resources,
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could make the Smashing Pumpkins sound like the Beatles. Trying just
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makes them seem even dumber. Why can’t people try to sound like the
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Smashchords or Metal Urbain or Third World War for a change?
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III. There’s This Band
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There’s this band. They’re pretty ordinary, but they’re also pretty
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good, so they’ve attracted some attention. They’re signed to a
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moderate-sized “independent” label owned by a distribution company, and
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they have another two albums owed to the label.
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They’re a little ambitious. They’d like to get signed by a major label
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so they can have some security—you know, get some good equipment, tour
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in a proper tour bus—nothing fancy, just a little reward for all the
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hard work.
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To that end, they got a manager. He knows some of the label guys, and he
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can shop their next project to all the right people. He takes his cut,
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sure, but it’s only 15%, and if he can get them signed then it’s money
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well spent. Anyway, it doesn’t cost them anything if it doesn’t work.
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15% of nothing isn’t much\!
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One day an A\&R scout calls them, says he’s “been following them for a
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while now,” and when their manager mentioned them to him, it just
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“clicked.” Would they like to meet with him about the possibility of
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working out a deal with his label? Wow. Big Break time.
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> The A\&R guy was full of great ideas, even talked about using a name
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> producer.
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They meet the guy, and y’know what—he’s not what they expected from a
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label guy. He’s young and dresses pretty much like the band does. He
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knows all their favorite bands. He’s like one of them. He tells them he
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wants to go to bat for them, to try to get them everything they want. He
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says anything is possible with the right attitude. They conclude the
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evening by taking home a copy of a deal memo they wrote out and signed
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on the spot.
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The A\&R guy was full of great ideas, even talked about using a name
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producer. Butch Vig is out of the question—he wants 100 g’s and three
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points, but they can get Don Fleming for $30,000 plus three points. Even
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that’s a little steep, so maybe they’ll go with that guy who used to be
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in David Letterman’s band. He only wants three points. Or they can have
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just anybody record it (like Warton Tiers, maybe—cost you 5 or 10 grand)
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and have Andy Wallace remix it for 4 grand a track plus 2 points. It was
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a lot to think about.
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Well, they like this guy and they trust him. Besides, they already
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signed the deal memo. He must have been serious about wanting them to
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sign. They break the news to their current label, and the label manager
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says he wants them to succeed, so they have his blessing. He will need
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to be compensated, of course, for the remaining albums left on their
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contract, but he’ll work it out with the label himself. Sub Pop made
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millions from selling off Nirvana, and Twin Tone hasn’t done bad either:
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50 grand for the Babes and 60 grand for the Poster Children—without
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having to sell a single additional record. It’ll be something modest.
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The new label doesn’t mind, so long as it’s recoupable out of royalties.
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Well, they get the final contract, and it’s not quite what they
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expected. They figure it’s better to be safe than sorry and they turn it
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over to a lawyer—one who says he’s experienced in entertainment law—and
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he hammers out a few bugs. They’re still not sure about it, but the
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lawyer says he’s seen a lot of contracts, and theirs is pretty good.
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They’ll be getting a great royalty: 13% (less a 10% packaging
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deduction). Wasn’t it Buffalo Tom that were only getting 12% less 10?
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Whatever.
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The old label only wants 50 grand, and no points. Hell, Sub Pop got 3
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points when they let Nirvana go. They’re signed for four years, with
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options on each year, for a total of over a million dollars\! That’s a
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lot of money in any man’s english. The first year’s advance alone is
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$250,000. Just think about it, a quarter-million, just for being in a
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rock band\!
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Their manager thinks it’s a great deal, especially the large advance.
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Besides, he knows a publishing company that will take the band on if
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they get signed, and even give them an advance of 20 grand, so they’ll
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be making that money too. The manager says publishing is pretty
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mysterious, and nobody really knows where all the money comes from, but
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the lawyer can look that contract over too. Hell, it’s free money.
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> He used a bunch of equipment on them and by the end of it, they all
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> agreed that it sounded very “punchy,” yet “warm.”
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Their booking agent is excited about the band signing to a major. He
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says they can maybe average $1,000 or $2,000 a night from now on. That’s
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enough to justify a five week tour, and with tour support, they can use
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a proper crew, buy some good equipment and even get a tour bus\! Buses
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are pretty expensive, but if you figure in the price of a hotel room for
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everybody in the band and crew, they’re actually about the same cost.
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Some bands (like Therapy? and Sloan and Stereolab) use buses on their
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tours even when they’re getting paid only a couple hundred bucks a
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night, and this tour should earn at least a grand or two every night.
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It’ll be worth it. The band will be more comfortable and will play
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better.
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The agent says a band on a major label can get a merchandising company
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to pay them an advance on t-shirt sales\! Ridiculous\! There’s a gold
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mine here\! The lawyer should look over the merchandising contract, just
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to be safe.
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They get drunk at the signing party. Polaroids are taken and everybody
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looks thrilled. The label picked them up in a limo.
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They decided to go with the producer who used to be in Letterman’s band.
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He had these technicians come in and tune the drums for them and tweak
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their amps and guitars. He had a guy bring in a slew of expensive old
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“vintage” microphones. Boy, were they “warm.” He even had a guy come
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in and check the phase of all the equipment in the control room\! Boy,
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was he professional. He used a bunch of equipment on them and by the end
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of it, they all agreed that it sounded very “punchy,” yet “warm.”
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All that hard work paid off. With the help of a video, the album went
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like hotcakes\! They sold a quarter million copies\!
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Here is the math that will explain just how fucked they are:
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These figures are representative of amounts that appear in record
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contracts daily. There’s no need to skew the figures to make the
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scenario look bad, since real-life examples more than abound. Income is
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underlined, expenses are not.
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Advance: $250,000
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Manager’s cut: $37,500
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Legal fees: $10,000
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Recording Budget: $150,000
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Producer’s advance: $50,000
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Studio fee: $52,500
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Drum, Amp, Mic and Phase “Doctors”: $3,000
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Recording tape: $8,000
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Equipment rental: $5,000
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Cartage and Transportation: $5,000
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Lodgings while in studio: $10,000
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Catering: $3,000
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Mastering: $10,000
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Tape copies, reference CD’s, shipping tapes, misc expenses: $2,000
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Video budget: $30,000
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Cameras: $8,000
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Crew: $5,000
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Processing and transfers: $3,000
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Offline: $2,000
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Online editing: $3,000
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Catering: $1,000
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Stage and construction: $3,000
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Copies, couriers, transportation: $2,000
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Director’s fee: $3,000
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Album Artwork: $5,000
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Promotional photo shoot and duplication: $2,000
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Band fund: $15,000
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New fancy professional drum kit: $5,000
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New fancy professional guitars (2): $3,000
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New fancy professional guitar amp rigs (2): $4,000
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New fancy potato-shaped bass guitar: $1,000
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New fancy rack of lights bass amp: $1,000
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Rehearsal space rental: $500
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Big blowout party for their friends: $500
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Tour expense (5 weeks): $50,875
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Bus: $25,000
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Crew (3): $7,500
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Food and per diems: $7,875
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Fuel: $3,000
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Consumable supplies: $3,500
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Wardrobe: $1,000
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Promotion: $3,000
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Tour gross income: $50,000
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Agent’s cut: $7,500
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Manager’s cut: $7,500
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Merchandising advance: $20,000
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Manager’s cut: $3,000
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Lawyer’s fee: $1,000
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Publishing advance: $20,000
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Manager’s cut: $3,000
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Lawyer’s fee: $1,000
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Record sales: 250,000 @ $12 = $3,000,000 gross retail revenue Royalty
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(13% of 90% of retail): $351,000
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less advance: $250,000
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Producer’s points: (3% less $50,000 advance) $40,000
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Promotional budget: $25,000
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Recoupable buyout from previous label: $50,000
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Net royalty: (-$14,000)
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Record company income:
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Record wholesale price $6,50 x 250,000 = $1,625,000 gross income Artist
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Royalties: $351,000
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Deficit from royalties: $14,000
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Manufacturing, packaging and distribution @ $2.20 per record: $550,000
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Gross profit: $710,000
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THE BALANCE SHEET
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This is how much each player got paid at the end of the game.
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Record company: $710,000
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Producer: $90,000
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Manager: $51,000
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Studio: $52,500
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Previous label: $50,000
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Agent: $7,500
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Lawyer: $12,000
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Band member net income each: $4,031.25
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The band is now 1/4 of the way through its contract, has made the music
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industry more than 3 million dollars richer, but is in the hole $14,000
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on royalties. The band members have each earned about 1/3 as much as
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they would working at a 7-11, but they got to ride in a tour bus for a
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month.
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The next album will be about the same, except that the record company
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will insist they spend more time and money on it. Since the previous one
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never “recouped,” the band will have no leverage, and will oblige.
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The next tour will be about the same, except the merchandising advance
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will have already been paid, and the band, strangely enough, won’t have
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earned any royalties from their t-shirts yet. Maybe the t-shirt guys
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have figured out how to count money like record company guys.
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**Some of your friends are probably already this
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fucked.**
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[![baf5-problem-with-music](http://48ic4g3gr5iyzszh237mlfcm-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/baf5-problem-with-music-1024x723.jpg)](http://48ic4g3gr5iyzszh237mlfcm-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/baf5-problem-with-music.jpg)
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