---
created_at: '2015-12-03T10:08:24.000Z'
title: A bad citizen in Javaland (2006)
url: http://darrenhobbs.com/2006/04/22/a-bad-citizen-in-javaland/
author: bencoder
points: 219
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comment_text: 
num_comments: 49
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created_at_i: 1449137304
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- story
- author_bencoder
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objectID: '10668809'

---
[Source](https://darrenhobbs.com/2006/04/22/a-bad-citizen-in-javaland/ "Permalink to A bad citizen in Javaland | Darren Hobbs")

# A bad citizen in Javaland | Darren Hobbs

# [Darren Hobbs][1]

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# A bad citizen in Javaland

Posted on [April 22, 2006][6] by  [darren][7]

You are born with no body parts. One by one, your organs are pushed into you. Should anyone attempt to interact with you before your organs have finished arriving you will die. Luckily this doesn’t happen. Once all your organs are settled you are ready to start a job (life moves fast in Javaland). You ask the universe for the abstract concept of vehicular transportation. The universe gives you a car. You look at the car and tell yourself it’s a motorcycle. You try to climb on the roof and are thrown off. Catching your error you land back on your feet. Finally you try telling yourself the car is a car and that seems to work. You open the bonnet and take out the engine. You reach into the engine and take out the starter motor. You turn the starter motor until the engine starts. You take the steering wheel and pedals out of the car and use them to drive yourself to work.

During the day you need to borrow some money from a colleague. You pick up your colleague, reach into their trousers and pull out their wallet. You open the wallet and pull out some cash. You keep their wallet in case you need more money later. They also keep their wallet, remaining unaware that you have taken out some money and that their wallet is now in two places at the same time. Later, you both attempt to spend the same money twice. The universe explodes and is restarted. An identical copy of you lives your life again. Subtle changes to the fabric of reality prevent the universe from exploding this time. Your day continues.

You leave work with your friends. One by one they forget who you are and leave. You are alone. A man wearing a refuse disposal engineer’s uniform appears from nowhere and assassinates you, placing your body into a recycling bin. Your organs are donated to the next generation. You die. The end.

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